Remember when I posted about Friend Karma and how I’m a firm believer that you have to encounter some really shitty people in life before you get to the good, life long friends? You know, it’s like natural selection for the cut-throat, back-stabbing, two-faced bitches we have all encountered at one point or another in life. Well, in addition to dealing with terrible people then finding great people, I also believe that there are 4 types of friends every woman needs. The reason for this is that each person is going to bring something different to the friendship that’s going to make you a better person overall. Think about it, you know there is one of each in your circle, and if not, then you’re lacking somewhere.
The Bitch Type
This friend is one that will keep your witty comebacks up to par. There’s an unspoken understanding between you two that she who gets the last word is the alpha-bitch. That is only until tomorrow though. She will bring you to the brink of complete and total loss in sanity frequently. She will push the limits and your buttons because she’s some sort of rare bitch-magician that found them right away. You’ll find that when you’re together, arguing about trivial, worthless topics suffices as quality time. Telling one another to “fuck off” is a term of endearment. She’s also the friend you have to warn other friends about before they meet. It goes both ways though because the two of you together have a level of vulgarity that could kill a priest. You will often forget why or how you became friends with this person. Then, she’ll send you a screen shot of someone’s latest Instagram selfie that you both mutually hate, accompanied by the words “did you see this bitch?”
Ah! There it is! That’s why I have the bitch Friend.
The Exquisite Type
This friend is one that will keep you grounded. She is soft spoken and sweet, and thinks highly of her “mom face” and “mom tone,” but only her kids and husband take it seriously. She’s the type that will deliver a compliment to someone just because they gave her one. After a while, you start to wonder if she really did like that sweater you wore last week or if she just said she did because you told her you liked her hair that same morning. If she got paid to bite her tongue, she would be a millionaire. She doesn’t offer her opinion freely, but if you ask, her response will exemplify reasoning, logic, and precisely no profanity. If you ever hear this friend say “what the fuck?” you know something has gone terribly wrong. Instead of asking if everything is ok, you should make like Michael Jackson and beat it, as it is likely the world is due to end momentarily. With that being said though if the zombie apocalypse were becoming a reality, this friend has enough food in her pantry to survive off of for at least six months – there will only be healthy options.
This type of friend is similar to that of a unicorn and will be the hardest to discover and retain. You’ll see her and want to be friends with her immediately, but you’ll also be intimidated by how well put together she is. If she wants to be your friend you should take advantage of this opportunity and for God’s sake do not screw it up. You’ll need her cultivated wisdom and guidance when dealing with the bitch type.
The Supporter Type
This friend is the one that will always text back. She could be in labor, dilated to a 9, running low on the epidural, and still respond when you just want her opinion on a dress. She is there to listen regularly. She will validate your emotions then convince you that you’re not bat-shit crazy all within one short conversation. She will always listen to you, but she won’t always give an opinion. Sometimes you’ll wonder if she even likes you or just feels bad for you because you have displayed how needy you can be. Despite being a code red destitute – when no one else asks how your day was, she most likely will. She’s so considerate of you, your time, and your feelings that she’ll make a strong impression on you and in turn, you’ll be a better person because of her. Like the exquisite type, the supporter is a challenge to find but undoubtedly required.
The Realist Type
This friend encompasses a portion of each breed. She’s the bitch friend when she has to be real with you and tell you to get your shit together. She’s the sweet friend when you’re together in a large group of people. You can’t underestimate her though – she will sit across from you (purposely) and give you a look that only you can decrypt. The look usually means one of two things: Omg, that girl needs to stop drinking, or Omg, did you see that guy? She’s the compassionate friend when you need someone to talk to; when the only person in the world that could understand how you feel is her. When you’re behaving like a demented lunatic with a side of sarcasm, she’s the one that’s going to say, “I love you, but that wasn’t a good idea.” You’ll still love her after she disagrees with you and tells you that you’re wrong on some things. That’s because she’s put up with you for so long that you can’t start over with a new friend. It’s likely that this will be one of a few, if not the only person you can converse with about opposing views, and remain Facebook friends with after.
The realist friend is the one who snapped photos of you back in your early 20’s and manages to humiliate you annually on social media with them. She will also team up with your husband from time to time, agreeing with him on something that has caused an argument between you and him. That’s because she understands the importance of stroking his ego from time to time to justify a 45-minute phone call at 11:00 pm on a Monday night. That takes place in bed. Next to him. The realist type showed up at the right time, helps through the hard times, and stays through the best times. No matter what you say or do, this one isn’t going anywhere. This friendship is like that saying “you’re the family I get to choose” but you’ve become so close that it really is like having a sibling you’ll never get rid of.
So, there you have it. The 4 Types of Friends Every Woman Needs. Which one are you?
Share with your Bitchy, Exquisite, Supportive, and Real friends!